***********UNEDITED VERSION FROM THE BEGINNING OF YEAR******************
Hey guys,
This is a little different to my other posts but since its my first post of 2017 I thought because its all about new beginnings i wanted to get a few things off my mind and even if at the start of this post it sounds so negative i promise it has a positive message.
A basic back story of what i'm going to talk about is yes,i have anxiety and no its not because im joining the 'crowd' i have genuine reasons,it is actually so screwed that i have to even back that up because it is a norm for people to have it these days. but, back in 2014 my dad passed away which left a horrific dent in my life and changed it forever. Of course everyone who has lost a parent or a close person in there life will suffer from grief and i want to make it clear that everyone's process is DIFFERENT so before people comment saying mine is wrong or what ever this is just my personal experience,So, due to this incident i was left with severe generalised anxiety and depression;I had the whole works from paranoia to panic attacks it was awful. I felt like everything was crumbling from underneath me and i was trapped.
BUT,this is not a post to say that it never gets better because it does and it will,even if you haven't suffered from a loss you can still feel those feelings. At the beginning i honestly felt it will never get better and i still get those days/week/months where i feel like i will never be happy again but you have to be willing to make yourself happy. On those days you feel like everything has gone to shit treat yourself; go buy your favourite chocolate and ice cream or a new outfit. Always remember there is no time limit on your grieving process or when you can feel anxious, i would absolutely be lying to say i never feel anxious because i do a lot. Obviously,I lost one of the most important people of my life but i also gained a lot from it;a closer bond to my mum and i finally realised who my real friends are.
I have always been such a negative person but i guess something has just clicked in my head that i control what happens in my life and i feel like this post is closing that negative chapter in my life and giving me that closure i need even 2 and half years on.I really hope this post can help even just one person to feel better about themselves. I know this is just a whirl wind of everything but I just want say you should never ever listen to others opinions on you,you are what you want to be. Their thoughts do not reflect you as a person which is why i think every single person who is reading this should do at least one thing that makes them happy this year.
I have tried to write this post multiple time but i feel like now is the right time.
I really hope you all have the best year ever and if you have any suggestions on posts comment them below and check out my other posts.
*********************************************************************************
EDIT
This is completely different from me but I wrote this post right at the beginning of the year and never uploaded it because I had an anxious few months which is ironic considering I emphasised in this post how I'd gotten over my 'negative phase' when in fact that was quite the opposite of what happened because stress mode kicked in and before I knew it i was drowning in overwhelming feeling of stress and hatred. I hated that I'd let my self get in this state again. I hated I couldn't control it because the truth is you can't really control it. Despite this sounding as if I am queen of negativity but being given such false hopes from doctors and therapists and friends is really deflating when they say 'you'll feel better soon ' 'it wont last forever' because 3 years on I still haven't found a way to fully 'deal' (I use this word loosely) with it, but you know what I am still trying and I think that's what keeping me going, that glimmer of hope that one day I can do this by myself. Because I know I can and i guess that's why I wanted to edit this post because I feel like that's the greatest way to overcome anxiety is your self believe. Anxiety feeds off that vulnerability so you have to believe in yourself and don't rely on others to do it for you.
As cheesy as it seems you learn and grow everyday so when writing that blog post in January 2017 I was a different person from who I am now.
Ill speaking to you soon,
Bella B X
Friday, 30 June 2017
Friday, 23 June 2017
Exams & Anxiety
Hey guys,
Been a while hey? Well not that you'd know or anything but over the past months I've been sitting and revising my ass off for my end of school exams;GCSE's for those of you who don't know what they are I think they are equivalent to SATs I believe ( or I am talking absolute bull). We as young adults have been socialised ( get a bit of sociology that's been brained washed into my head) to think that if we don't pass these exams we are going to end up on the streets and disowned from our families for the rest of our lives, so , with this in mind, I had to think of some strategies to ATTEMPT me from going completely insane. And actually some of them worked so I thought that I would share some of these to try and make your lives just a little bit easier. As I am aware these are probably completely irrelevant to most now because like me we have finally finished our exams but, it could help those of you who are sitting your exams in the future or people who dealing with general stresses in life.
*SIDE NOTE: I am still trying to figure out what my favourite writing style is so if you don't like this way then let me know in the comments*
Prepare in advance
This may seem obvious to the majority of you but I suck at preparing for things like exams so end up flustered the week before wondering how I know literally nothing. But doing simple things like making lists, going through textbooks and writing a list of things you don't understand to discuss with your teacher is a huge stress relief because you know where you are and what you need to do.
Lists
Speaking of lists they actually saved my health (mentally anyway) its just the feeling of getting all those swirling thoughts out of brain and on a piece of paper that is so satisfying. Even if its not for revision timetables just writing down the days of the week and listing a to - do list so you don't get the pain of someone metaphorically sitting on your chest or chocking you to death ( these are both very extreme comparisons of anxiety but I needed to get point across)
Take a break
I hear the screams of teachers horror in the background but did you know that the average brain can only learn for around 20 minutes before it literally goes in one ear and out the other? well there goes every year 11s revision time table of 5 hours the night before the exam. I actually found that if you really don't revise weeks in advance just writing down some notes and looking over them then taking a break and so forth was enough to feel confident in a pass.
Well those we just a few of the things that helped me during exam season so I hope they helped you too. On a serious note though the biggest tip is to look after yourself, risking your health for a few grades in such a small span in your life just does not seem rational when there is such a vast amount of opportunities in life completely unrelated to grades.
See you soon,
Bella B x
Been a while hey? Well not that you'd know or anything but over the past months I've been sitting and revising my ass off for my end of school exams;GCSE's for those of you who don't know what they are I think they are equivalent to SATs I believe ( or I am talking absolute bull). We as young adults have been socialised ( get a bit of sociology that's been brained washed into my head) to think that if we don't pass these exams we are going to end up on the streets and disowned from our families for the rest of our lives, so , with this in mind, I had to think of some strategies to ATTEMPT me from going completely insane. And actually some of them worked so I thought that I would share some of these to try and make your lives just a little bit easier. As I am aware these are probably completely irrelevant to most now because like me we have finally finished our exams but, it could help those of you who are sitting your exams in the future or people who dealing with general stresses in life.
*SIDE NOTE: I am still trying to figure out what my favourite writing style is so if you don't like this way then let me know in the comments*
Prepare in advance
This may seem obvious to the majority of you but I suck at preparing for things like exams so end up flustered the week before wondering how I know literally nothing. But doing simple things like making lists, going through textbooks and writing a list of things you don't understand to discuss with your teacher is a huge stress relief because you know where you are and what you need to do.
Lists
Speaking of lists they actually saved my health (mentally anyway) its just the feeling of getting all those swirling thoughts out of brain and on a piece of paper that is so satisfying. Even if its not for revision timetables just writing down the days of the week and listing a to - do list so you don't get the pain of someone metaphorically sitting on your chest or chocking you to death ( these are both very extreme comparisons of anxiety but I needed to get point across)
Take a break
I hear the screams of teachers horror in the background but did you know that the average brain can only learn for around 20 minutes before it literally goes in one ear and out the other? well there goes every year 11s revision time table of 5 hours the night before the exam. I actually found that if you really don't revise weeks in advance just writing down some notes and looking over them then taking a break and so forth was enough to feel confident in a pass.
Well those we just a few of the things that helped me during exam season so I hope they helped you too. On a serious note though the biggest tip is to look after yourself, risking your health for a few grades in such a small span in your life just does not seem rational when there is such a vast amount of opportunities in life completely unrelated to grades.
See you soon,
Bella B x
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
2017 goals
Hey guys!
long time no see ( or should I say speak) its literally been so many months since I've posted on here and with good reason... in September I obviously went back to school as a year 11 (last year in school) so i've been packed with exam timetables and revision literally everyday after school so I have been held captive in school since then and since its the holidays I am finally having some free time,well not really I should be revising for my literature exam that is a week away but don't you love procrastinating :) but anyway I hope you've all had a great Christmas and are eating as much as i am and are making this exact list I am about to.I wasn't sure whether to post this but then I thought if i put it on here i'd have you guys as proof and motivation i hope haha.
So this is my 2017 goals I hope to full-fill.
1.Self love (be a happier person)
Don't worry I wont be doing a big paragraph on each but this one is a big one for me. Every year like everyone I make the same 'resolution' to get fit and eat healthy where I would both like to complete this which is why I will try,It is also particularly unrealistic as i am a 16 year old girl going through the busiest exam year I think i'm entitled to eat a chocolate bar or ice cream every now and again. Also with this self love it is about loving myself mentally and physically and not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks about me which is why i'm titling 2017 as my 'Selfish Year'.
2. Pass at least 5 of my GCSE's with a grade between A*- C
Otherwise I can't get into sixth form so my career is screwed....
3. To appreciate everything around me
Whether it be my surroundings or people,I feel like no one actually stops and steps back to appreciate what is there which is why im going to stop getting so caught up in drama because in long term and for my health it isn't really rel event
4. To go on my phone/social media less
This is definitely something we ALL need to do less because why does it matter if someones got more likes than you?
That's all I can really think of any more but if you have any it would be great to hear in the comments below :)
I know this is about of a random post but I'd obviously like to get back into speaking to you guys so if there's anything you'd like me to write about then give me a message and as always check out my other posts. They will not be posted this late regularly i just had a little writing spur haha.
I'll speak to you all soon,
Bella B X
long time no see ( or should I say speak) its literally been so many months since I've posted on here and with good reason... in September I obviously went back to school as a year 11 (last year in school) so i've been packed with exam timetables and revision literally everyday after school so I have been held captive in school since then and since its the holidays I am finally having some free time,well not really I should be revising for my literature exam that is a week away but don't you love procrastinating :) but anyway I hope you've all had a great Christmas and are eating as much as i am and are making this exact list I am about to.I wasn't sure whether to post this but then I thought if i put it on here i'd have you guys as proof and motivation i hope haha.
So this is my 2017 goals I hope to full-fill.
1.Self love (be a happier person)
Don't worry I wont be doing a big paragraph on each but this one is a big one for me. Every year like everyone I make the same 'resolution' to get fit and eat healthy where I would both like to complete this which is why I will try,It is also particularly unrealistic as i am a 16 year old girl going through the busiest exam year I think i'm entitled to eat a chocolate bar or ice cream every now and again. Also with this self love it is about loving myself mentally and physically and not giving a shit about what everyone else thinks about me which is why i'm titling 2017 as my 'Selfish Year'.
2. Pass at least 5 of my GCSE's with a grade between A*- C
Otherwise I can't get into sixth form so my career is screwed....
3. To appreciate everything around me
Whether it be my surroundings or people,I feel like no one actually stops and steps back to appreciate what is there which is why im going to stop getting so caught up in drama because in long term and for my health it isn't really rel event
4. To go on my phone/social media less
This is definitely something we ALL need to do less because why does it matter if someones got more likes than you?
That's all I can really think of any more but if you have any it would be great to hear in the comments below :)
I know this is about of a random post but I'd obviously like to get back into speaking to you guys so if there's anything you'd like me to write about then give me a message and as always check out my other posts. They will not be posted this late regularly i just had a little writing spur haha.
I'll speak to you all soon,
Bella B X
Saturday, 4 June 2016
Vanilla sponge with strawberries and Fresh vanilla cream
Hey guys,
It's been a while and today I thought I'd share a recipe I made for my mums birthday. I have never liked regular birthday cakes with icing etc and if your like me I think you'll enjoy this cake!
For the vanilla cake you will need;
175g (6oz) margarine or softened butter
175g (6oz) caster sugar
3 large eggs
175g (6oz) self-raising flour, sifted
1tsp baking powder
1tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
For the filling and topping;
300ml of double whipping cream
1tsp vanilla extract
1 carton of fresh strawberries
Strawberry jam (optional)
Preheat the oven to 180C.
Vanilla sponge is one of my favourite things to bake as you can just chuck in all the ingredients in a bowl and mix all the ingredients together.
I recommend lining your tin with baking paper (because i don't know how many times I've broken a cake trying to get it out of the tin😂)
Once the cake is golden and fully cooked through (stick a knife in the middle making sure it comes out clean)
Leave to cool,if your planning on making a cake that requires it to be neat I would leave it in the fridge over night to let it firm up.
Cut the cake in half and fill with the jam and cream.
For decoration you can do what ever you like. I used a piping bag to pipe the rest of the cream in a pattern that placed the strawberries around it.
I hope you enjoyed this simple and classic recipe suitable for any occasion! If any of you do make it send me a photo on Twitter @beynon261 .
Thank you for reading and i would appreciate it if you read my other posts.
Speak to you all soon,
Bella B x
It's been a while and today I thought I'd share a recipe I made for my mums birthday. I have never liked regular birthday cakes with icing etc and if your like me I think you'll enjoy this cake!
For the vanilla cake you will need;
175g (6oz) margarine or softened butter
175g (6oz) caster sugar
3 large eggs
175g (6oz) self-raising flour, sifted
1tsp baking powder
1tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
For the filling and topping;
300ml of double whipping cream
1tsp vanilla extract
1 carton of fresh strawberries
Strawberry jam (optional)
Preheat the oven to 180C.
Vanilla sponge is one of my favourite things to bake as you can just chuck in all the ingredients in a bowl and mix all the ingredients together.
I recommend lining your tin with baking paper (because i don't know how many times I've broken a cake trying to get it out of the tin😂)
Once the cake is golden and fully cooked through (stick a knife in the middle making sure it comes out clean)
Leave to cool,if your planning on making a cake that requires it to be neat I would leave it in the fridge over night to let it firm up.
Cut the cake in half and fill with the jam and cream.
For decoration you can do what ever you like. I used a piping bag to pipe the rest of the cream in a pattern that placed the strawberries around it.
I hope you enjoyed this simple and classic recipe suitable for any occasion! If any of you do make it send me a photo on Twitter @beynon261 .
Thank you for reading and i would appreciate it if you read my other posts.
Speak to you all soon,
Bella B x
Sunday, 24 April 2016
2016: The year so far...
Hey guys,
Wow its been over a month since i've posted on here! I'm really sorry about that i've just been really busy with exam revision and stuff but I thought id do a life update on here, i'm not sure if any of you would actually like to know about my life but oh well if you don't I wont make it a regular thing.
So as it is has nearly been half a year since 2016 begun (it has flown by personally) I thought I would do just other stuff has happened since the beginning of the year and what's coming up for me :)
My 2016 so far...
. Well to start off I was doing weekly posts on here which I am still trying to do between school
. I have my first exam May 16th (sociology) for my GCSE which I am dreading but trying my best to revise,If you have any tips id be really grateful! (I may also do a post about how to stay calm and revise for exams soon?)
. I recently got discharged from my Therapy clinic which I am extremely happy about
. Also on May 16th i'm getting my braces off after 2 1/2 years of having them
. I auditioned for a role in my school summer production (We Will Rock You) and got the role I wanted!
. Begun DofE then stopped doing it as I didn't enjoy or have the time to be committed to it (shall I do a post on my experience?)
Things i am planning to do for the rest of the year...
. Pass all 5 of my exams so I can focus on my other subjects
. Have the most AMAZING SUMMER EVER.
. Actually try and eat healthy and get fit (TRY...)
. Try and make some new friends
Thank you for reading and I hope your all having a lovely day. If you would like an updated one in a few months/end of the year comment down below and be sure to check out my other posts!
Ill speak to you all soon,
Bella B x
Wow its been over a month since i've posted on here! I'm really sorry about that i've just been really busy with exam revision and stuff but I thought id do a life update on here, i'm not sure if any of you would actually like to know about my life but oh well if you don't I wont make it a regular thing.
So as it is has nearly been half a year since 2016 begun (it has flown by personally) I thought I would do just other stuff has happened since the beginning of the year and what's coming up for me :)
My 2016 so far...
. Well to start off I was doing weekly posts on here which I am still trying to do between school
. I have my first exam May 16th (sociology) for my GCSE which I am dreading but trying my best to revise,If you have any tips id be really grateful! (I may also do a post about how to stay calm and revise for exams soon?)
. I recently got discharged from my Therapy clinic which I am extremely happy about
. Also on May 16th i'm getting my braces off after 2 1/2 years of having them
. I auditioned for a role in my school summer production (We Will Rock You) and got the role I wanted!
. Begun DofE then stopped doing it as I didn't enjoy or have the time to be committed to it (shall I do a post on my experience?)
Things i am planning to do for the rest of the year...
. Pass all 5 of my exams so I can focus on my other subjects
. Have the most AMAZING SUMMER EVER.
. Actually try and eat healthy and get fit (TRY...)
. Try and make some new friends
Thank you for reading and I hope your all having a lovely day. If you would like an updated one in a few months/end of the year comment down below and be sure to check out my other posts!
Ill speak to you all soon,
Bella B x
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Hey guys,
I just wanted to keep you updated,so recently I have decided to take part in DofE ( The Duke of Edinburgh Award) and part of my skills section I am thinking of doing photography. This means I need to post them some where so I was thinking I would on here? I will still do a regular post but on a different day of the week id do a photography themed post.
Let me know what you think of this idea and if you would like to see my photos every week,
Thank you for reading and check out my other posts
Speak to you soon
Bella B x
I just wanted to keep you updated,so recently I have decided to take part in DofE ( The Duke of Edinburgh Award) and part of my skills section I am thinking of doing photography. This means I need to post them some where so I was thinking I would on here? I will still do a regular post but on a different day of the week id do a photography themed post.
Let me know what you think of this idea and if you would like to see my photos every week,
Thank you for reading and check out my other posts
Speak to you soon
Bella B x
Vanilla sponge with coffee butter cream
Hey guys
I have a recipe for you that I baked today!
And I have to admit it tastes delicious not to mention my favourite flavour is coffee.
Ingredients
For vanilla cake;
I have a recipe for you that I baked today!
And I have to admit it tastes delicious not to mention my favourite flavour is coffee.
Ingredients
For vanilla cake;
- 110g/4oz butter or margarine,softened at room temperature
- 110g/4oz caster sugar
- 2 free-range eggs, lightly beaten
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 110g/4oz Self-raising flour
- 1-2 tbsp milk
For coffee buttercream;
- 100g/3½oz unsalted butter
- 200g/7oz icing sugar
- 2 tsp coffee granules
- 1 tbsp boiling water
Method
Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4 and line a pan with baking paper and butter/oil.
Cream the butter and sugar together in a bowl until pale. Beat in the eggs a little at a time and stir in the vanilla extract.
Fold in the flour using a large metal spoon, adding a little milk until the mixture is of a dropping consistency. Spoon the mixture into a large tin (whatever size you have)
Bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes, or until golden-brown on top and a skewer inserted into the cake and make sure it comes out clean this indicates it's cooked fully. Set aside to cool for 10 minutes, then remove from the tin and cool on a wire rack.
Coffee butter cream frosting
For the coffee buttercream, place the softened butter in a bowl and mix with a hand-held electric mixer. Add the sifted icing sugar and beat together. Dissolve the coffee in the water and add to the buttercream and stir.
To assemble the cake simply cut the cake in half when fully cooled and spread as much of the buttercream as you want,I left a little bit over for decoration on top
Flip the lid back on top of cake
As decoration I piped little stars around the top of the cake and stuck on mini chocolate chips.
I hope you enjoy this recipe! Thank you for reading be sure to check out my other posts.
Speak to you soon,
Bella B x
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